Saturday, September 8, 2012
Name change, Game change
Baz doesn't seem to dig the new name. Tough luck, Baz.
Five years ago, I originally named this blog "small room" because 95% of the time I tend to gravitate more toward things that have a niche appeal than toward things that have mass appeal. That's been true ever since I can remember and it's still true. But the access to the world of niches has gotten bigger, making the room feel much bigger by consequence as well. And maybe I'm fooling myself but I feel like I'm not exactly who I was five years ago, even in my ever-niche-y tastes. So time for a change.
Last fall I was driving to some now forgotten appointment when I had an unexpected epiphany. The sun was shining through the haze of Coldwater Canyon and it suddenly struck me that for the first time since I was four years old that being a cartoonist / animator / artist was not the biggest most important thing in the world to me any more. I went a little further and let myself let go of these long self-defining terms and tested what it would feel like to be whoever I am in without any trace of them. For better or worse i was still the same person, but without the driven aspiration of my chosen vocation. It felt fine.
Oddly enough this late-breaking epiphany has (I think) made my personal approach to cartooning (and a lot of life in general) stronger and more individual than it ever has been. While I'm still a cartoonist / animator / art-type, and satisfied with enough of my past, I currently look to the future with less of a defined notion of what being any (or none) of those things means. Like I've said before, it's daunting but liberating at the same time. As a kid and young adult my goals, standards and opportunities were so fixed in so many self-imposed ways that they became a kind of cage. It is both a relief and embarrassment to say that it has taken me this long to realize that the cage has been unlocked for a while now, but I have been too set in my ways to notice. Until now.